hmm

\And if i had something to say to you i'd whisper it softly,
Kiss you on your rosey lips and never let you off me.
Shiver on your roof and see your face lit by starlight,
Hold you through the night and watch that colorado sunrise.

I've got five fingers on each hand for every mistake that i've made
Cuz my tongue is tied to tonsles and i need to s#!t and shave
Im a shade to pale for handsome and have habits i can't shake
And if you try to take that from me well i'll never be the same

Trainwreck that i am
And i am what i am what i am 
A trainwreck, that i am
And i am what i am what i am 
A trainwreck 

And as long as it's okay with you i think i'll stay right here.
I got no where to go cuz where to go is up to you, dear.
Happy as a clam i see the glimmer in your eyes.
Hold you through the night and watch that colorado sunrise.

No car and never cared cared because i got no place to go.
But in a room, (a single wall?) i couldn't pay a plant to grow
You can try and make this pretty, pick up all my dirty clothes.
And if you never really get me then i guess you'll never know the

Trainwreck that i am
And i am what i am what i am 
A trainwreck that i am
And i am what i am what i am 
A trainwreck 

I've got five fingers on each hand for every mistake that iv'e made
Cuz my tongue is tied to tonsles and i need to s#!t and shave
I'm a shade to pale for handsome and have habits i can't shake
And if you try to take that from me well i wouldn't be the same

Trainwreck that i am
And i am what i am what i am 
(colorado sunrise)
A trainwreck 
That i am
And i am what i am what i am 
(colorado sunrise)
Trainwreck.
That i am
(if i had something to say to you i'd whisper it softly)
And i am what i am what i am 
(kiss you on your rosey lips and never let you off me)
A trainwreck
That i am
(shiver on your roof see your face lit by starlight) 
And i am what i am what i am 
(hold you through the night and watch that colorado sunrise)
A trainwreck.

A&M fire school

I went to A&M fire school this past week and i had a blast. but the best night was thursday night when we went to rockwells a local bar and got buzzed and then we got into a fight with a buncha aggie fans. yeah thats my idea of fun beating up aggies like a good longhorn would 

sadness

i keep bringing it upon myself. my parents are disapointed  in me for who knows what. also i wanted to spend as much time with her as i could this week before she left me for another month and i think that ticked my dad off. but oh well . i wish i had been able to say how i felt. but she seems so happy right now even though she isnt with me and i dont want her to feel what im feeling all i want is her to be happy. i wish i could make more sense when i write these but i write as it pops into my head. i just hope i can be cheered up by sunday. im fighting back the tears right now but i can feel there coming one way or another.  well thats it for now i hope she stays happy thats all i want at this point 

love

I love you,

Not only for what you are,

But for what I am

When I am with you.

I love you,

Not only for what

You have made of yourself,

But for what

You are making of me.

I love you

For the part of me

That you bring out;

I love you

For putting your hand

Into my heaped-up heart

And passing over

All the foolish, weak things

That you can’t help

Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out

Into the light

All the beautiful belongings

That no one else had looked

Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you

Are helping me to make

Of the lumber of my life

Not a tavern

But a temple;

Out of the works

Of my every day

Not a reproach

But a song.

I love you

Because you have done

More than any creed

Could have done

To make me good

And more than any fate

Could have done

To make me happy.

You have done it

Without a touch,

Without a word,

Without a sign.

You have done it

By being yourself.

Perhaps that is what

Being a friend means,

After all.

Roy Croft

SHITNESS

this day started out great i was having fun then my irl friend came over and we did nothing but watch tv and sit on our asses. then i got on the interwebz and it seem like there is a shit storm goin on. illl admit im not perfect but i dont think that details of someones personall life should be made fun of. i have always felt this way even in high school i would never make fun of who someone slept with. i cant belive thats what some people have stooped to. 

just a lil suggesstion and plz dont get mad lets keep the gossip off our twitter and use it what its really for............ ABSOLUTELY NOTHING 

trainwreck

ive become a trainwreck teh past couple of days. my life has been in a downward sprial and i cant be happpy. i havent felt right or wanted or enjoyed anything in a long long long timei cant talk to the one i love because she is in the fucking  backwoods of texas. but why would she love me 

done

i was gonna write this blog on my two choices tell her i love her and see what happens or dont tell her and jsut love from a far well it seems my choice was made for me she sends me txt not 20 mins ago saying she met somebody and she was in love. so for now i will love her from far. i will always love her and yeah this blog wiill now become the place where i will post my love for her.

well now i have 2 new choices i will write about 

one is weather or not to continue on the path im on and become the best damn firefighter/paramedic in the world 

or 

do i just give up. in a way me being a firefighter is putting a serious hold on my social life 

a couple of weeks ago was the first time in i dont know how long that i actually had fun with friends well iono im done with this blog i keep looking at the top and its making me sick 

update:

imma stay on the path of ff/medic because this town deserves a better class of life saver and im gonna give it them. and in regards to the thing on top all i can say is i will always love her but she has been gone a month and what i thought was missing in my life while she was gone. thinking hard about it ive been talking to this girl i work with and since ive been talking to her i havent felt like i was missing anything iono if this makes any sense but she called me cause she read this and said i shouldnt dwell on stufff and i better not quit the fire department on her  i know i ramble a lot but this blog makes sense to me in my head

yeah i

So here I am with my thoughts of you
And this world I've left for me
Stoic faces when I think of you
And how I once believed
So now you call me, but you know I won't let you through
I've myself to decieve

So leave the memories alone
I don't want to see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing
And I'll hold you here in my memory

So I find me in your garden now
A sad smile for the scene
And all the flowers that we planted now
Taken by the weeds
But in my minds eye, you know they still bloom for me
They stand tall there, in that summer breeze

Leave the memories alone
I don't want to see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing
And I'll just hold you here in my memory

In my memory, yeah

So leave the memories alone
I don't want to see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing
And I'll hold you in my memory

You'll never change
You'll never change
You'll never change
You will never change